First thoughts

Next year will be interesting...New faces (older ones), New city, far from home. I wonder how anyone can transition without the support network of close friends, a significant other or family members. Building a new community while simultaneously grappling with how far I want to take gender identity issues will be interesting.

That is the advantage of going to PSR. Amy will be there and even though I know she's apprehensive about my eagerness to transition, I know she's got my back. The problem is I know my mom is going to have major issues and she'll be an hour away. I agree that it'd be safer to transition in New York rather then Boston, but HDS has all of the classes I need/want for Ph.D. work so that's the city I'm going to land in...if I go.

The other thing is the Bay Area has a very visible trans community, but I feel weird approaching it having been out as a woman oriented woman (a.k.a. lesbian) to my trans friends. (Actually I never really have been officially out as a lesbian, simply because I've never been comfortable with the term since I don't really identify as female, but no one's ever asked) And everyone knows me by the name I want to leave behind next year.

Finding housing in Somerville/Cambridge is a pain in the butt. Balancing everything on my gender identity confusion and vocation makes a clear decision (although I know it'll never really be clear) far harder. People ask me where I want to be in three years and I all I want to tell them is more like me. Heading where I need to go to be the person I am, encompassing all aspects of who I am; intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, physically want to have a stronger sense of independence by the end of three years. And I want to come out to my parents (for the second time) when I am at a place where I feel sure and ok with what I shall become.

Having spent time on the internet learning about counseling, hormone treatments, surgeries, activism and support groups...I'm excited about the future...and completely terrified. Will anyone really love me once my body starts to represent who I've always felt I am?